Consider obtaining your Master's Degree! It will change your life!

I’m so thankful that I took the time to get my Master’s degree… that I studied, applied myself and graduated Summa Cum Laude! The $45,000 that I still owe pales in comparison to the knowledge and skill that I have gained! That is what I thought yesterday… right before swim lessons. Yep, I said, swim lessons! My extensive education, my love of life and learning has landed me the job of a lifetime! I am a part-time nanny! Yesterday, I suddenly understood how books like The Nanny Diaries get written!

My little Darcy is 3. Her brother Burke (or Burkey, as he is sometimes called) is 5. Yesterday was swim lesson day. I remembered EVERYTHING. Their suits, towels, snacks, books for the time that we spend waiting for the instructor and, of course, my charming personality and wit that keeps the children entertained for hours on end! What I forgot was to put Darcy on the potty BEFORE donning her swimsuit.

While we were waiting for lessons to begin, Darcy stood up and started to pull on the bottom of her bathing suit. “It’s wet!” she said with a look of disdain. I started to say “It’s not wet” when I realized that what she was really saying was “I have to tinkle and already started!”

“Darcy, did you pee-pee in your swimsuit?” I asked – aren’t you jealous that I get to live the life where such fabulous questions are mine to pose? Some contemplate the deep questions of life. Others probe into, what to me are, the mysteries of the financial world. Still others make decisions that change the courses of nations… I wonder if Darcy tinkled in her swimsuit…

With a nod of her head and crinkled nose, she replied matter of factly, “A little bit, I did.” Translation: “I started to go potty in my pants but have stopped. You dear nanny, now have a brief window of opportunity to get me to the potty before it ALL comes out!” With the translation still processing in my mind, I jumped up, grabbed Darcy and ran. Thankfully, Burkey followed because suddenly he had “to go” too!

We made it to the bathroom stall, Darcy finished what she had started and was in the process of pulling her suit back up when… she wrinkled her nose again and said, “Dis suit is WET! I han’t (she cannot say her hard c’s at the beginning of words) wear dis! I want my other suit!” How could I have forgotten, Darcy refuses to wear anything that is wet next to her body.

“We don’t have another suit, honey-bunny,” I began. “You’ll have to wear that. You are getting right in the pool anyway.”

“NO!” she declared more strongly. “I han’t wear it! I han’t!” And the battle of the bathing suit began. I tried to coherce, convince, bribe and force her to pull up her suit. I even tried to pull it up myself. This effort was met with an ear-piercing shriek of defiance. Burke tried to help as well but to no avail. We were about to miss swim lessons. I was contemplating letting her swim naked but figured that probably wouldn’t fly with the instructor. Suddenly, I had it, the idea that would save the moment. Only my $45,000 education could be responsible for this ingenious solution.

“Darcy, take off the suit! If I dry it, will you wear it?” I asked. She looked at me skeptically and slowly nodded her head yes. With suit in hand, I walked over to the hand dryer and began to blow dry the pee-pee. There suddenly seemed to be a lot of traffic in the ladies locker room. And Darcy who had never had a shy moment in my presence, suddenly feeling self-conscious and exposed to the world, wrapped her naked little body around my leg and sat on my foot. Thankfully all of the pee-pee had been… eliminated and my foot stayed dry.

With a dry suit and happy smile, we left the locker room in time to meet the swim instructor. Darcy took one look at him and declared, “I’m NOT ‘fwimming’ today. I NOT!” I smiled, shrugged and said “Good luck!” adding to myself, “Hope you have a Master’s degree! You’ll need it!”

Never spit your gum out your window while driving!

Did you know...

...that spitting gum out of your car window while driving 75 miles an hour down the highway is considered littering? It is especially considered littering when it LANDS ON THE WIND SHIELD of the state trooper that was about to pass your vehicle.

If this happens, be prepared, the trooper MAY pull you over and say something like, "I just wanted you to know that the gum you spit out of your window landed on my windshield!"

If you apologize and kindly offer to get outof your vehicle and remove the gum from his windshield, he will probably let you go without a ticket.

Just wanted to make sure that you knew :)